Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
