I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize