I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Randomize
