just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
