Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love accidental penises.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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