there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
