i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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