I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So many bounce houses so little time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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