He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
