If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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