Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
