I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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