I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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