but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
