i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
