Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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