Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
