I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need water and some morals
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
