I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I believe in your delicious
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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