Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
