New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
