her vagine was all disorganized.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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