i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
