Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
