Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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