She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
