And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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