Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
