Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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