Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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