Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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