you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
