As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
