I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
