Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
