I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
