I skipped work to stalk him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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