i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
