Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
