Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
