Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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