The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
