Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
