what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize