She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
