toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
