and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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