this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
