I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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