Fuck appropriateness.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
