I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
