K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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