Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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