I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
