i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
