my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
