Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
