I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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