I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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