They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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