i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
