I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want nice things and good sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
