Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
